IKEA in 15 Minutes or Less

If I were you, I’d be gawking at the post title, too.  I mean.  It’s almost impossible just to walk in the front door of IKEA and back out of it again without even leaving the vestibule in under 15 minutes.  IKEA. Is. Huge.

But an IKEA trip was needed – isn’t one always needed when you’re moving?  So Clarice and I decided that Friday night was the night to do it.  There is only one IKEA in Massachusetts (but another slated for 2012), and it’s about a 35 minute drive from our apartment.  We left at 7:00 and had a pit stop on the way, so it was 8:40 when the following conversation ensued:

Clarice:  Are you sure that IKEA closes at 10pm?

Me:  Yep.  I just checked it earlier today.

Clarice:  I feel like that isn’t right…

Me:  I’ll double check.

(Here I pull out my phone.  [Yes.  While driving.  Shhh.  Don’t tell.]  And I go to the IKEA website.)

Pregnant pause

Me:  Um.. it closes at 9:00.

Clarice:  What?!

Me:  Turns out the 10am I saw was the time it opens…

Clarice:  Is it even worth it to keep driving?

Director’s Note (Yes, this is suddenly a play.  A drama, to be precise…)  It is 8:43 at this point.

Me (impassioned):  Yes!  We can make it!  IKEA is only 4 minutes from here!

(Cut to open road view from the front seat of the car.  Zoom in on Catie’s furrowed brow.  Engine revs.  Exciting music plays – Rihanna, perhaps? – and the car races away down the highway, growing smaller in the distance.)

(Cut to IKEA parking lot.  Time is 8:46.  More Rihanna is playing.  Perhaps Britney Spears.  Equally awesome.)

*Editor’s note:  The music was “probably Katy Perry” according to actress playing Clarice.*

Fine.  I’m not a film maker.  But we really did pull into the IKEA parking lot at 8:46 (one minute ahead of schedule) and split up a list of things to collect.  Clarice went straight to the self-pick-up aisles to get her bed frame and I ran through the showrooms collecting various items at a whirlwind speed (with Katy Perry/Rihanna/Britney Spears playing in the background for suspense).  And we arrived at the checkout line to find this:

Holy line.  We don’t even need to throw in a current-pop-girl-artist to dramatize this situation.  It. Was. Cuh. Ray. Zee.  Luckily, we realized that all of these folks were waiting in the same line and we weaseled our way off to a side line, which was a little LOT better.

Instead of waiting in line for 30 minutes, we only waited about 15.  So, at approximately 9:20pm we were victorious in the parking lot, having collected every single item on our list.

Fine.  I’ll tell you what’s in the shopping cart:

  • (1) Table runner
  • (1) Wicker charger
  • (1) Bed frame
  • (Multiple if you’re counting each individual one) Bed slats
  • (2) Lack shelves
  • (4) Chair cushions
  • And a partridge in a pear tree.
  • Fine.  No partridge.  No pear tree.

We haven’t put each of our purchases to use just yet, but I suppose you can look at that list as a little list of hints regarding future “project reveals.”  But I don’t want to promise you when you’ll have them because I often get distracted and I don’t want to promise you a project reveal and then flake due to diversions like I did with the whole bed thing

What’s your record for IKEA?  Proudest moment?  Mine was probably the fact that I actually remembered shortcuts through the showroom from earlier visits – geographically challenged me didn’t need the floor map!  (Although, should I really be bragging about the fact that while I can’t remember that New York is south of Boston, I can remember where every shortcut is in IKEA and every sale rack is in Banana Republic.  We all have our strengths, right?  So far we just know that mine don’t include geography or film writing.)

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One Response to IKEA in 15 Minutes or Less

  1. Pingback: JOKK(MOKK) Jams (aka Table Refinishing) | Uncramp Your Style

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