I assume that the title totally threw you off just now. (And my “I assume” I mean “I hope it threw you off because I’m being pretend-dramatic.”) This is not, in fact, a depressing post where I wail about some pointlessness in life. It’s just more stuff that has passed through my brain in the last 24 hours. So. I’ll get to my point. Ha.
1) What is the point of the Hershey’s Kiss point? That little tip at the top. I have never once been able to salvage it. It simple breaks off when I unwrap it and then it falls on the desk or the floor or
my bed or the ground. Maybe I’m a little too enthusiastic in my unwrapping. But I doubt I’m alone.
2) Why do I feel the need to supplement my “no sugar added” hot chocolate with a piece of chocolate? It defeats the purpose of drinking the “no sugar added” kind and it completely defeats the purpose of trying to have the hot chocolate be a substitute for candy.
3) The diet theory of “keep the wrappers in front of you so you know how much you’ve eaten and will be shamed into not eating anymore treats” doesn’t work. If anything, I sit there and think, “My God. Look at how much candy I can eat without getting a stomach ache! I am so amazing!” So I just throw them away and know in my head how amazing I am without having to deal with the judgment of others’ reactions to my pile of candy wrappers.
4) Someone needs to invent silent yogurt cups. What I mean is that someone needs to figure out how to get yogurt into a container that won’t annoy everyone when people scrape the sides and the bottom to get every last bit of yogurt. It’s an aggravating noise to those who listen to it, and an embarrassing noise to the girl who wishes she could lick the bottom of the yogurt cup as easily as she licks the top wrapper. (I don’t know who that girl is… I’m just saying.) If one of you invents it, please just sent me a few yogurts; I don’t need any more acknowledgement than that.
5. Someone else needs to invent silent candy wrappers. This ties into #3 because even when I throw away all of my candy wrappers, I know everyone can hear each and every Hershey’s Kiss or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup being opened. So they can keep track of it all the same. Shoot.
6. The word of the day yesterday on Dictionary.com (yes, I get those emails) was “crib”. There are 17 definitions of crib as a noun, and I only knew 3 of them. There are 5 definitions of crib as a verb, and I don’t think I knew any of them. How sad.
See? The title of the post tricked you. (Just lie to me and say it did, okay?) Not depressing at all. Except that whole thing where I don’t know enough variations of “crib.” I had “place where baby sleeps,” “extra points in cribbage,” and the slang for “home.” I’ll work on getting up to 5, but I make no promises.